Just Meags.

I think it is a very peculiar feeling the moment when you realize something inside of you is broken. It's as if all of a sudden you realize something isn't right. Or maybe it creeps up on you and you've known for awhile but it all comes crashing down at once. Maybe you've felt it before... When you do something so completely out of character that you don't even feel like yourself. I spent this evening alone which doesn't happen very often, but as I sat alone I realized that what I was thinking, feeling, and saying was not who I am. I am an independent person who does not let the opinions of others break me. I am a fighter by nature and I have never given up on something I truly felt passionate about. Tonight I felt like I had lost hope and needed the support of the people around me to keep myself going. It was when I realized what I felt that I realized something inside of me is broken. It's funny what you want to blame at this moment. Particularly anything but what is really wrong. My original instinct was to run... It clears my head but I didn't... I sat still. Quite literally I simply stayed still and listened. Eventually I fell asleep. :) Yeah I know that doesn't seem very productive does it? But I woke up with a new passion. What I had allowed to slowly change inside me is not who I am. What I have done and said and been in the past couple months does not define me as a person and I have every opportunity to fix things. So what does this mean? It means a lot. It means that I have some changes to make. Some will be easy and probably unnoticeable but there will be other that will take time and will be literally life changing. I am about to start a journey of little things and big things that will hopefully make me BACK into the person I want to be. The person I know I am. I hope that my friends will be beside me and willing to push me towards my best but if not I know now that who I am is okay. I hope you will be willing to let me make these changes in my life without giving me the same "expectations" you've always had of me... Give me the chance to fix things and know that I am trying when I mess up. I may not be who you expect me to be or even who you want me to be but I am me.