So I'm torn because there is a confession that I've recently come to that has helped me understand myself a little better but then there is something that I quite literally just realized is happening to me that could change who I am in the future....
So I guess I'm kinda of cheating?
Anyways... The first part is fairly common I guess but I think it has wrecked every relationship I have ever been in. Quite simply I am afraid to get hurt. This makes me a little confusing because I think I fall easily... Meaning when I fall I fall hard BUT as soon I think things are falling apart I distance myself. I stop and I move on. I don't make things work or work things out... If something is wrong I immediately pack up my feelings and emotions and move on. It doesn't have to big, in fact it's usually ridiculously small but my fear of being hurt often leads me to hurting others in order to protect myself.
The second part of this confession is on the fear of being hurt but slightly more on the friendship side. After watching another one of my best friends throw my friendship away as if I mean nothing to them I don't think I will ever be able to fully devote myself to a friendship again. I have more than my fair share of falling outs with friends. Usually with no real problem to acknowledge. I am always left lost, confused, and hurt... Just like I am sitting here today. I am convinced I cannot go through this feeling again and therefore I am afraid that I will never be as close to people I meet in the future as I am to the friends I know from the past.
No comments:
Post a Comment