Heart Decisions.

I often wish life made sense. It doesn't seem fair that every decision you make has to be 10 shades of grey. Every decision has it's consequences but with most of them it seems you have those consequences to deal with no matter what the outcome of a situation. I seem to be caught in a life of confusion. I don't know what I want or who I want. I don't know if I'm able to deal with all of this but I don't think I am able to walk away. I have never wanted something that seemed so impossible to work so badly but when I step back to assess the situation there is not logic behind my decision making process. On a different not it seems to me that no matter what I do I lose. I feel like you simply want to control me and your actions are not made out of love. I am constantly hurt and confused. Am I saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing? I just want to make you proud once... I know this post doesn't make very much sense to the outside viewer but to me all I am trying to say is... that no matter how many shades of grey you are deciding between or what the consequences add up to on each side. YOU are the one who has to deal with your decisions at the end of the night. You have to do what your heart says is right not what the people around you expect from you... Ughh. Now I guess I have to take my own advice, too bad I have no idea what my heart wants me to do...